Because of Her
by olivia987
Summary: A step into Ezra's thoughts as he deals with his alcoholism and being apart from Aria. Set sometime after his freak out session in 6x13


**Title: Because of Her**

 **Summary: A step into Ezra's thoughts as he deals with his alcoholism and being apart from Aria. Set sometime after his freak out session in 6x13**

 **A/N: I was just sitting in class when this idea came to mind. It's not too fantastic or long, but I figured someone might enjoy it. I'm not used to writing from a male character's point of view so this is new for me and I hope it turned out okay. Also, this is my first time writing for pll so please, be gentle.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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Closing the door of the refrigerator with his knee, he popped open yet another beer. He ignored the sight of the trash can overflowing with empty bottles and slumped down on the couch, gulping down a large sum of alcohol. It felt nice to finally relax, his pulse still racing from the events that had taken place not too long ago. His fingers scratched against the thick stubble that lined his jaw, any thoughts of his once clean and smooth face shoved back into distant memories.

"Murderer," he scoffed, taking another drink, he was still attempting to calm down after having the girls raid his apartment to yell at him for a crime they knew nothing about. He understood why the girls had their accusations, and he supposed that it was no one's fault but his own. He hadn't been doing all that much to get on their good side lately. He couldn't pin point the exact moment everything fell apart, but he was already too far gone to even notice. At first he thought it was the events surrounding Nicole, but even Ezra himself knew his problems were much deeper than that. A constant buildup of complications caused him to finally snap. Perhaps it had something to do with losing a boy he once called his son. Perhaps it was due to the constant negativity from his mother. Perhaps it was even caused by his failed career as a teacher. But he knew none of that mattered. He could define the exact moment everything in his life changed. The moment when nothing would ever be the same. The day he first saw _her_ ordering a cheeseburger at a pub as she waited on her brother to finish practice.

Sure, he already knew exactly who this girl was, he knew practically everything about her and her friends due to everything Alison had told him. What his didn't know was Aria was so much more than a puzzle piece to a murder mystery. She was more complex than a character in a career making novel. He had every intension of getting to know the girls by being their teacher and collecting clue's to Alison's murder, but he never meant to fall for her the way he did. She was _everything_ to him, but it all slipped away.

He remembered the days after Shana had died, and how he vowed to do anything for Aria in her most fragile state. He was true to his word, he'd take the fall for anything if it meant keeping her safe. She was amazing, incredible, and she didn't deserve half of the hardships that had been thrown her way in the past. What he didn't understand was that she was willing to do the same for him.

' _You're compassionate. Sensitive. You're kind.'_

How could she ever think that highly of him? How was he still worthy of her admiration after all they had been through? Five years of no contact, and years of complication after complication prior to that. After everything with his book and all the secrets they had kept from one another, they had always found their way back to one another, but he never thought she was still have such strong feelings after their recent time apart.

He knew she was in a relationship. He didn't know how serious said relationship was, but he knew she was seeing someone else since their split. He could tell from the second he saw her when she first returned to town. She had that guilty look in her eye, and he hated it. He hated that she still felt the connection to him, that she had to spare his feelings. It shouldn't be her responsibility, and she should be free to see whomever she wanted.

He let the last few remaining drops of his drink drip onto his tongue before standing up and heading towards the kitchen, intending to pull another bottle from the fridge. He grabbed a new one a popped off the cap, letting it land on the counter and he gulped down some of the liquid. It was the only thing that numbed him of the pain, the only thing that allowed him to keep any sanity.

He started to walk back towards the living room to sit comfortably and drink his beer, until it happened. He stopped at the window, the sight of a familiar brunette on the side of the street catching his eye. He watched as she laughed at something someone had said, her smile bright as ever. In that moment, Ezra finally came to terms with his own problems. Perhaps it had nothing to do with Maggie, his mother, or his career, but instead was himself getting in his own way. He tried to forget about all the wrongs in his life and ended up forgetting himself in the process. He glanced down at the drink in his hand and instead turned and dumped the remains down the drain. He had enough, and it was time for a change. Ezra Fitz was no killer, he was no slob. He was better than that, and he'd never forgive himself if he couldn't become a man Aria was proud of once again.

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 **Hope you enjoyed it!**

 **Leave a review and tell me what you thought. I love feedback as well as any constructive criticism, there's always room for improvement :)**

 **xox- Olivia**


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